News Flash: The creamy intestinal discomfort-inducing food that is commonly served at Indian restaurants across the US is not Indian food. At least, no proper “Sari-wearing Indian people” think so.
Indian food outside India has taken on a life of its own. The ‘Indian’ food that is generally available includes a crimson red chicken dish and an overly creamy generic curry dish with paneer and creamy spinach. All of the curry dishes seem to be made from one generic pre-packaged powder, whose assault on the tongue is only moderated by a handsome amount of cream.
Of course, the debasement of Indian food hasn’t stopped there. Indian restaurateurs, in their effort to cater to the Western palate, are making up entirely new dishes that cannot be found anywhere in India. And then, there is the cross-fertilization with other cuisines.
When McDonalds, Pizza Hut, KFC, Italian eateries and the famous “Hooters” restaurant can find their place in India, who am I to complain when Naan gets wrapped around a kabob, becomes “Naan Burrito” and finds its way into western palate.
Khana Khazana
For a country that is as vast and diverse as India, ‘Indian cuisine’ has come to mean some uncertain version of cuisine from a specific part of North India. Of course, a few restaurants have opened in New York and parts of the West Coast that are taking back the ‘Indian cuisine’ from the vile hands of cheap third-rate restaurants manned by $5/hr cooks busy annihilating flavor and subtlety with MDH (an off-the shelf spice brand) and cream and then, as if that weren’t enough, abysmal service.
That leaves the question of the innumerable western gourmands who swear by the crispy samosas filled with spicy potatoes and peas, and the scarlet-red chunks of chicken breast from the tandoori oven. It always leaves me in splits how the truly ignoramus of the food critics spend time listing down the ingredients of these foreign-sounding dishes (‘traditional Roti, which is whole-wheat dough flattened into a disk and plastered against the side of the tandoori oven to cook’) while doling out pointless remarks about the ‘crispiness of the samosa’ or the merits of the ‘balance’ in the curry, while of course there is no such thing to be found. Samosas as a rule are limp and soggy and still dripping in oil in most Indian restaurants.
If you are one of those food critics – stop pretending to be one and get another job. And to the countless many who enjoy ‘Indian cuisine’ in its current iteration – well continue enjoying whatever suits your fancy but don’t ask me to join you when you decide to go to the Indian buffet. I’d rather skip that.
How about some pizza, instead?